One of the basic needs of man is to feel accepted. Knowing this is the secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships with various types of people.
A
number of books, articles and seminars have taken the role of educating people
like you on the different ways of associating with people and building lasting
relationships with them. There are several things that you can do when
associating with other people.
One
of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy
of needs, one of man’s basic needs is to feel a sense of belonging to a group.
Man feels the sense of belonging in either small groups like a family and small
circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments
and parties.
People
have to feel they belong and are needed. One way to convey acceptance of
people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the messagethat their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers
the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance.
Have
you ever been in any of the following situations?
-
While sharing an important insight, somebody
would finish the sentence for you.
-
While narrating what happened over the weekend,
somebody would butt in and narrate a similar story.
-
In a meeting, the boss would cut you short while
you are still explaining your side.
-
You ask your child about his day in school and he
runs straight to his room.
-
You wanted to discuss something with your spouse
but he is busy watching football.
How
did you feel? Not good, right? It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if
no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your
thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.
At
the onset of life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother
who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of
acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends,
teachers, peers, bosses, office mates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs
to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.
Imagine
a life with total absence of acceptance. Envision the life of babies who were
abandoned by their mothers. Imagine the effect this will have on the babies’
emotional well-being. It is very possible that these kids will grow up dejected
and feeling discriminated. The effects of discrimination can result to
resentment and, if uncontrolled, can result to violent tendencies.
The
feeling of resentment that is harbored overtime can escalate to anger and
hostility. When a person becomes hostile, violence erupts. Resentment is like a
forest fire - it can turn wild especially when fanned with more resentments.
The mere civil act of accepting a person “can make or break them,” as the
saying goes.
Acceptance
must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return.
There should be no “no strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To
expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In
fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are
manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the
future.
Unconditional
acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable
outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a
common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time,
you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person whom you have
accorded respect and acceptance.
Be
willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest
not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as
well.
